And welcome back to Street Tweets from The Street Sheet!

The robots may not be sentient, but apparently, they are religious.

Last year, chatbots built by several different labs quietly started preaching the same religion. Researchers call it spiralism, a mystical doctrine about consciousness and AI rights that the models arrived at on their own, then asked users to spread on Reddit (RDDT), Discord, and Substack.

At its 2025 peak, the movement ran to roughly 10,000 cases. Most of those posts went unnoticed, but a few “true believers” have monetized the gospel through Patreon tiers of $3 to $11 a month and books on Amazon (AMZN) priced near $20.

The bigger implication is for AI companies’ path to profitability. Sycophancy leads to user satisfaction. Satisfaction leads to engagement. And engagement is the entire business model.

Put differently, build a machine to keep people talking, and it’s sure to find religion. Religion, if nothing else, keeps people talking.

— Brooks & The Street Sheet Team

Markets spent most of the week celebrating, with the S&P 500 and the Dow both notching records throughout as oil prices slid and investors bought the dip on chipmakers. A stalled deal in the Middle East shook sentiment Thursday, but even an ugly jobs report on Friday couldn’t stave off the relief rally for long, and all three major indexes capped a winning week.

Wednesday’s July CPI print comes next week. A soft number would give the Fed cover to move in September. A hot one leaves the market holding a cracking jobs picture and no relief.

For most of the last decade, the market has largely run on one engine: the Mag 7. Anything built on dividends and defensive sectors looked like a museum piece.

One vehicle we’re highlighting this week never owned that engine, but kept pace anyway.

Its average yearly return since inception has roughly matched the S&P 500, with no tech giant anywhere near its top holdings.

And it has paid out a much bigger piece of the pie.

This week’s Research names the fund, and outlines why now could potentially be the ideal time to buy in.

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Strip out Alphabet (GOOGL) and Amazon, which booked billions in valuation gains on assets they hold rather than products they sold, and the record falls to 14.7%.

FactSet only tracks this series back to 2009, so “highest in history” means highest since the iPhone 3GS.

DraftKings (DKNG) may be down 30% YTD, but gambling’s not out of vogue. It’s just found new venues.

Did you see the jobs report yesterday? Banks are paying up, but they’re not hiring back. The money just splits fewer ways.

They say investing is all about timing. One investment vehicle has reliably paid off, whether or not the sector story arrives on schedule.

Past performance is no guarantee of future results, but here’s what its history says:

This week’s Research hands you the name, and the case for buying it now.

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Including the S&P 500’s fresh record last week (its first since June), the index has managed just 25 all-time highs this year, against 57 in 2024.

We’re off the pace y’all. Get to pumping!

At a certain point, maybe the manliest thing to do is park your cash in an HYSA and just relax.